Monday, March 26, 2012

hammerhead vs. MDMA

Hammerhead: Remember those appetite suppressants that were like caramels? Well, they used to make these diet aids and put them in caramel candies and they were so good. Shit, no wonder I couldn't lose any weight on them cause I'd eat the whole box.

Me: Wow. That's like taking a bunch of meth.

Hammerhead: Well they were damn good, whatever they were!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

hammerhead vs. distinguished client

Hammerhead: [to distinguished office visitor waiting to talk to the boss] Would you like some coffee?

Visitor: Why yes, thank you.

Hammerhead: How do you take it?

Visitor: With cream.

Hammerhead: Just cream? No sugar?

Visitor: Right.

Hammerhead: What kind of cream?

Visitor: Uh, just plain old regular cream I guess.

Hammerhead: We have irish coffee cream, vanilla cream, and hazelnut cream.

Visitor: Oh, well then, how about vanilla.

Hammerhead: None of the creams are low-fat, is that okay with you?

Visitor: Um, yes, that's fine.

Hammerhead: Okay, and how much sugar do you take it with?

Visitor: Oh, I don't know, not much. Just a bit.

Hammerhead: You know what, why don't YOU just go get the coffee yourself?

hammerhead vs. the forward button

Hammerhead: Hey, did you get the email that I sent you? The one that had a poem about a guardian angel watching over you?

Me: [through clenched teeth] Yes. Thank you.

Hammerhead: I love those poems. Whenever someone forwards them to me I print them out. I have stacks and stacks of them!