Hammerhead: I got me this bag of Philadelphia cream cheese packets at Costco last night. 50 count! It's my new snack.
Me: Cream cheese? All by itself?
Hammerhead: Yeah. You know how I’m on Atkins? Got no carbs. I eat it like this. (She rips open a packet and squirts it into her mouth.)
Me: Oh. My. God.
Hammerhead: Hey, it doesn't have any sugar so LAY OFF.
(At the end of the day I saw the bag in her trash can with two packets left in it, which means she ate forty-eight packets of cream cheese that day.)