Hammerhead enters the office carrying two paper bags with grease stains on them, indicating something edible inside that diabetics probably aren't supposed to have. She's also carrying a paper plate with eight things of jelly and ten pats of butter.
Hammerhead: It's scone day in the cafeteria!
Me: Wow, how many did you get?
Hammerhead: Five. I got the biggest ones I could find. Look at this one! [It's truly massive and was obviously meant to be two scones that didn't get cut apart. She smears butter on it and dumps out a thing of jelly and the sucking noise of the jelly makes the scenario even more surreal.] MMMMM!
Nurse: Hammerhead, you're a diabetic. Are you supposed to be eating that?
Hammerhead: [through a mouthful of scone] Get off my back!
There is a leak in the hallway that Hammerhead has taken a great interest in. After it rains maintenance always puts a bucket under it, but as I walked past it today I saw a sign posted by the bucket...in Hammerhead's handwriting. It says:
"Bucket filled within 2 inches of top at 4:15 am on 11/14.
Bucket filled 3/4 of the way to the top at 4:45 am on 11/15.
Questions? See BARB in next office."