There's a really old computer we use to send study findings to the government. The computer is from 1987 and the government just sent us a new Dell.
Hammerhead: Stephanie! Find out if they want the computer back! Because if they don't want it, I'll take it!
Me: I know you will.
Hammerhead: I have hardly enough room to walk around in my apartment as it is, but I can't pass up free stuff.
Me: Are you sure you need it?
Hammerehad: Maybe not, but I WANT it! [Erupts into wheezing, hacking laughter.]
Me: Why do you want something that has a floppy drive on it?
Hammerhead: JUST ASK THEM IF I CAN HAVE IT!
[So I did.]
Me: They said it's ancient and they don't want it back.
Hammerhead: Oh goody! I have a friend who restores computers! He's going to fix it right up. I can't wait!
New Lady: Stephanie, you be sure to get it in writing from the government. They'll probably come back and try to reclaim it.
Me: But it has a floppy drive. I really really doubt they'll want it
New Lady: YOU GET IT IN WRITING!
Hammerhead was sitting at her desk just now when the New Lady walked in.
New Lady [very pleasantly]: Good morning!
Hammerhead [rudely ignorning her greeting]: What is this paper for?
New Lady [bending down to get in her face]: Did I hear good morning? Did I hear good morning?
Hammerhead: Yeah, good morning, what is this paper for?
New Lady: Well, that's more like it!
Hammerhead just handed the New Lady a report with a mistake on it.
New Lady: What's this?
Hammerhead: You're supposed to see what you did wrong.
New Lady: WHAT? WHO GAVE YOU THIS?
Hammerhead: [making her volume match New Lady's] DARLENE DID!
New Lady: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!
Hammerhead: WELL, IT'S NOT MY FAULT, GODDAMMIT!
[Hammerhead goes to fish something out of the recycle bin]
New Lady: DON'T STICK YOUR HAND IN THERE!