Thursday, June 30, 2011

hammerhead vs. lane bryant

Today Hammerhead is wearing a shirt with leopard-print sleeves and pictures of leaves all over the front with tigers peering from behind them. Their eyes and whiskers are made of gold beads. Today she smells like brie.

Hammerhead: This weekend I got $513 worth of clothes for only $126! I went to Catherine's Womens World and I got this shirt, and some gold pants that I'll wear tomorrow, and some pants with lions and giraffes all over them. And I tried on a fancy white suit that was size 4X, and it was too big for me but there were women in the store who wear that size so I thought "Oops! Better get back in my dressing room before I make them all jealous." And I got a 25% discount because I modeled the clothes.

Me: You modeled them?

Hammerhead: Yeah, you know, I put them on and walked around for people and got the discount. I must have tried on clothes for an hour that first day, then I left in the middle of the union picnic the next day to try more on. Oops! I did not say picnic! I meant CELEBRATION. Cause, you know, you can't say picnic anymore.

Me: You can't?

Hammerhead: Well, you know where the word picnic comes from, don't you? [She is clearly hoping to tell me the whole story.]

Me: Uh...yeah.

Hammerhead: Well, then you know why we can't say it at our union meetings. Cause most of our union members are predominantly, you know...[she whispers]...BLACK.

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