Hammerhead: What's alopecia?
Me: Hair loss.
Hammerhead: SHHH! SHHHHHHH! Now let me ask Sharon. Sharon, what's alopecia?
Sharon: I don't know.
Hammerhead: HA HA! Stephanie knew what it was right off the bat!
Sharon: So? I don't care.
Hammerhead: Stephanie must have watched the millionaire show last night.
Me: Actually, I never watch that show. Bugs me.
[Hammerhead pulls out a ziploc bag of bacon and puts an entire piece in her mouth.]
Hammerhead: [chewing loudly] Well, last night this young mom went on — she was a single mom, working full time and going to school at nights — well, she went on and they asked her that question and she got it right! She was SO COCKY. Then they asked her who the Sherriff of Nottingham's arch enemy was. [More bacon-y chewing.] And the choices were...Robin Hood...um...oh, I forget the next choice...then Robinson Crusoe...and...oh, I forget the other one. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID?? SHE SAID ROBINSON CRUSOE! Even a child knows the answer to that question!
[A nurse walks past and mutters under her breath, "Jesus, SHUT UP."]
Hammerhead [not hearing her, still busily masticating and spitting bacon shards on the floor in her excitement]: It was because she was so cocky! That's why she lost! That bitch!